It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
