I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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