i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
