i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
