i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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