Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
