so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
