i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
