I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
