ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
