After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
