i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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