so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
