So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
