I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
