god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
