Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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