just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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