I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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