spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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