he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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