What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
