Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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