butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
