there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
