Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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