Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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