I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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