It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
