just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
