I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
