i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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