It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
