That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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