Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
