If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
