Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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