I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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