my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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