Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
