there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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