Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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