I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
