ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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