i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
