I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
