i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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