is wine microwaveable?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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