So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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