my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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