Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
