I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
